RecoverU | Betrayal Trauma, Betrayal Recovery, Porn Addiction Recovery, Relationships, Infidelity

Today's episode is about modesty - should we focus on it? Should we even have "modesty standards?" 
 
We discuss how focusing on this is focusing on the wrong thing and actually keeps people stuck. When we focus on a micro point instead of a macro value and then try to project it onto others as their responsibility to follow it in order for me to be healthy, we are missing the mark.
 
Alternatively - what does healing and freedom really look like? What if we raise a new generation of children who are taught how to value themselves and others? This shift can prevent and resolve many issues just by learning how to love ourselves and love others.
 
Previous episodes that are similar:
Episode 127: noticing vs Arousal: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recoveru-betrayal-trauma-betrayal-recovery-porn-addiction/id1674653111?i=1000720874791
 
Episode 128: Is attraction the same as lusting?: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recoveru-betrayal-trauma-betrayal-recovery-porn-addiction/id1674653111?i=1000721175129
 
Episode 138:  Where Modesty Culture Goes Wrong: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recoveru-betrayal-trauma-betrayal-recovery-porn-addiction/id1674653111?i=1000731965520
 
***
 
If  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources 

In today's episode, Kylene and Patrick discuss the strategy of crowding out the "bad" with the good. Whenever you want to change habits or patterns they recommend using 3 steps:
 
1) Identify the change that needs to be made (what are you temping, adding in or changing?)
 
2) Take some time to identify what that current thing or pattern offers you (Is it stability? Comfort? Distraction?)
 
3) Replace the old habit with a new habit that offers the same thing or better.
 
Whether it's hanging our diet, recovering from addiction or healing from trauma, the patterning is the same. One of the things we often miss when changing our habits is step 2- identifying what the habit offers us. This is key to understanding why we keep going back to it.
 
Episode 67 where talk about the Faster Scale: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recoveru-betrayal-trauma-betrayal-recovery-porn-addiction/id1674653111?i=1000658758308
 
Episode 69 where we discuss the 3 circles tool: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recoveru-betrayal-trauma-betrayal-recovery-porn-addiction/id1674653111?i=1000660296518
 
If  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources

In today's episode, Kylene has guest Tyler Patrick on as he discusses what the recovery process for sex and pornography addicts looks like. He takes a principle based approach that moves individuals beyond focusing on sobriety and into a deeper focus on transforming their lives into people of integrity and authenticity so they can live lives of true freedom.
 
We hope you will check out his great work with the links below:
https://risingson.us/
https://www.therapybrothers.org
 
 
If  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources  

In this week's episode Kylene and Patrick walk through 4 things important for a betrayed partner to focus on shortly after discovering their partner has been unfaithful. Then they walk through 4 things that we often *want* to focus on or feel obligated to focus on, but may not be beneficial to your healing early on.
 
If  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources

In this week's episode Kylene is discussing several areas where the end of a spectrum can be unhealthy when we sit there too long in our recovery journey. She explores the opposite sides of unhealth and shares how truth, healing and freedom is usually in the nuanced middle.
 
See visual summary notes from todays episode: https://canva.link/ntp2ynqpk2dkuir
 
If  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources

In this week's episode Kylene and Patrick discuss how important having a vision, plan and goal is. When you hit relational roadblocks along the way, how do you know when it's time to push through vs when to change plans?
 
The recovery journey will be hard. There will be roadblocks, hurdles, emotional triggers along the way... how do you know when it's healthy to push to through? When do you know it's worth the effort? And when do you know that after the time already given, it's time to move on?
 
We hope this episode helps you think through these things on your own journey...
 
If  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources  

In this weeks episode Kylene and Patrick are talking about 7 phrases used through healing and recovery that are beneficial and true, AND can be misapplied or misinterpreted to hinder healing.
 
See how these statements...
You can’t control your partners recovery 
Healing isn't linear turns into 
Boundaries are about how you respond- 
Addiction is a trauma response 
Forgiveness is good for the person who forgives 
I’m trusting God 
The enemy is attacking me 
can be true.... or can be slowing you down in your recovery journey. As always, take what works for you and delete the rest. We hope this podcast offers some food for thought as you continue your healing journey! 
 
If  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources  

In today's episode, Kylene and Patrick are answering a listener's question regarding male brains. Are they really that different from female brains? Can they really not help themselves? Can they CHANGE? 
 
They share how no, male female brains are not really different, however, societal shaping HAS treated men differently than women. When we are taught that this is just "normal" and "boys will be boys" they are not taught self control but instead are taught an activated way of viewing women that is unhealthy. Can they change? Absolutely. Listen to this episode to hear Kylene and Patrick break this down.
 
You may also enjoy our previous episodes: 127 Noticing vs Arousal: When is attraction too much?: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recoveru-betrayal-trauma-betrayal-recovery-porn-addiction/id1674653111?i=1000720874791
 
Episode 128 BONUS: Is Attraction the same as Lusting?: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recoveru-betrayal-trauma-betrayal-recovery-porn-addiction/id1674653111?i=1000721175129
 
Article that Kylene mentioned in this episode regarding the meta-analysis: 
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/men-not-more-visual-or-easily-aroused-than-women-research-shows
 
f  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources

Marcy Middleton is currently working on her undergraduate degree in Applied Psychology with a minor in Biblical Studies. She serves as the Sexual Formation Deacon along with her husband at her home church in Bend, Oregon. She has led in-person groups at her home church for 3 years and also loves helping lead worship as a volunteer.
 
In today's episode Marcy shares talks about mid recovery. That place after discovery, after safety where couples begin to reintegrate their lives and relationship - where communication and rebuilding trust is crucial and.....where many people get...stuck.  
 
She shares how and why people can hit points of stagnation in their recovery and healing journeys and some important things to keep in mind to keep your health, life and relationship moving forward (like having a clear vision and goal, and learning healthy conflict!)
 
If  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources

In today's episode Kylene and Patrick discuss the idea of choosing the life you live. So much of our choices are made subconsciously by programs running in the background that have been created in our life through family systems, painful moments, and our brains trying to make sense out of life...
 
Healing means identifying the patterns and consciously choosing the patterns we want to keep or release and making decisions about who we want to be and what we want to consciously bring into your lives moving forward. 
 
In today's episode they offer examples as well as offering 3 questions to help you think through your goals moving forward:
 
What are the things I want to bring into my life 
Are there any steps I can take not to move toward some of those things - sometimes that means starting to say no to relationships that are more draining than energizing - changing a job- adding a hobby, taking a lesson - trying a new workout - setting up friend dates 
What is my values list that I can use to when I feel conflicted to help me make decisions