RecoverU | Betrayal Trauma, Betrayal Recovery, Porn Addiction Recovery, Relationships, Infidelity

In this episode, Kylene and Patrick explore five essential things a betrayed partner needs from their spouse in order to truly heal. They unpack each element with depth and honesty, including:
Taking full responsibility without minimizing or making excuses
Creating safety—especially by addressing power dynamics and physical presence
Making her feel seen, chosen, and prioritized
Recovering for yourself, not just to save the relationship
Demonstrating long-term consistency and follow-through
Patrick shares personal insights and real-life experiences as they walk through each step. Together, they explain why these actions are not just helpful—but crucial— after betrayal.
If you are a betrayed partner and would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
For addicted spouses check our puredesire.org and soulrefiner.org
Follow Kylene:
On TikTok: @KyleneTerhune 
On IG: @KyleneTerhune

This week we share some (random) reflections on recovery and our experience going to our first conference related to betrayal and addiction recovery! 
 
Some topics we discuss:
What it felt like to be in a place full of individuals sharing a similar journey
Why it's important to challenge what you believe and listen to people viewed as teachers or leaders with discernment 
Some helpful perspectives/definitions of recovery terms like boundaries, safety and anxiety
 
We hope this episode is encouraging! We don't have a link for next year's summit, but we encourage you to follow pure desire on socials, and subscribe to their weekly podcast! www.puredesire.org 
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
If  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com
 
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources  

Today Kylene answers a listener's submitted question about what to do if the betrayer won't go to a support group? 
 
Books mentioned:
 
How to Untie a Balloon: (book around dealing with pressure) https://amzn.to/471SJYw
Nothing to Fear:  (book about end of life choices) https://amzn.to/3TKZnzk
 
 
The Big Relief: (book about grace) https://amzn.to/4ALa9GB
 
 
Anatomy of the Soul: (emotions, neuroscience and faith) https://amzn.to/4AVRKaa
 
 
Help her Heal: (understanding partner betrayal trauma)  https://amzn.to/4hHOwxQ
 
 
Unwanted:(importance of connecting the WHY underneath the behaviors) https://amzn.to/4jpqlaj
 
 
Altogether YOU:(book about internal family systems/parts work) https://amzn.to/4xYRmop
 
 
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: (combination of emotional and spiritual maturity)  https://amzn.to/3U4Kfgi
 
 
Unbroken - The trauma response is never wrong: https://amzn.to/3Vy7qjt
 
 
Biology of Trauma: https://amzn.to/4dWlyJD
 
*As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
 
 
Podcast episode mentioned - Ep 90 Sobriety vs Recovery: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recoveru-betrayal-trauma-betrayal-recovery-porn-addiction/id1674653111?i=1000684064277
 
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
If  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com
 
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources 

Today, Kylene walks through some questions from chapter 4 of How to Untie A Balloon: A negotiator's Guide to Avoid Popping Under Pressure byRyan Dunlap, and shares some of her thoughts around them.
 
Get the book (amazon affiliate link): "How to Untie A Balloon": https://amzn.to/4xR4Rq6
 
Listen to episode 204 from Inner Work podcast with Maryann Walked about stories we tell ourselves vs facts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/inner-work-with-maryann-walker-life-coach-for-people/id1644798383?i=1000756120920
 
 
1  - what physical sensations or feelings are happening inside of me that are contributing to the pressure i'm feeling 
 
2 - what thoughts or emotions am I currently experiencing that are contributing to the pressure I'm feeling  - is it fear, sadness, anxiousness, surprise, apprehension,  or disgust?
 
3 - What is the story I'm telling myself about the emotions I am experiencing? Have I interpreted the emotions positively?  Or negatively?
 
4 - how are my emotions influencing my decision making and behavior? Are they hindering or helping my ability to lead myself and others effectively? In what way
 
5 - When did I first recognize I was feeling this way? What signs might I have ignored that could have helped me recognize my feelings sooner?
 
6 - what previous experiences or painful feelings and I filtering my current challenges through that might be coloring my response to it
 
7 - have I made a habit of exercising restraint? Or do I regularly give in to impulses when I'm feeling emotional?
 
8 - has my conduct and behavior been consistently in alignment with my personal values and how I see myself as a leader?
 
9 - when all is said and done, how would I like to be remembered by others? What story do I want others to share about me?
 
10 - how do my physical and emotional states change when I am under significant leadership pressure
 
***
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
If  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources  

This week's episode focuses on 4 things that couples have who are happy in their marriages:
 
1) Individual health
2) Regulating each others nervous systems 
3) Conflicts are constructive
4) They love being together 
 
We discuss our thoughts on each of these and how they apply through the recovery journey.
 
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
If  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com 
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources

In this week's episode, Patrick shares his story and how he related to Kylene through recovery. While every couples specific journey is a little different, Patrick hits on several key points that are universal pillars that we see help couples successfully heal including:
100% honesty and transparency
Personal investment and proactive behaviors in your own recovery
Empathy and compassion for the betrayed partners pain
Listening to the betrayed partner and holding space for their feelings and emotions 
If  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources  

Today Patrick discusses the importance of connection through recovery. It's not just going to group, it's being proactive in reaching out. Your recovery is your responsibility which means that in order to build these relationships, you also need to initiate, be consistent, and utilize the connection and friendships before an emergency arises.
 
Patrick shares some of his personal experiences and the benefits of getting perspective from others who can encourage you through this process.
 
Patricks recommendations:
Set a regular schedule
Connect weekly (if not more)
Be proactive and take initiative
Reach out when you feel good (don't skip it)
Reach out when you need support
Take ownership of your behaviors and accept the natural consequences
Encourage your betrayed partner to get the support and connection they need 
 
If  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources

In this week's episode Kylene is discussing why a betrayed partner may not want to be touched after discovery. There are many reasons a betrayed partner may struggle with touch or physical intimacy after discovering infidelity in their relationship - Kylene walks through several reasons and highlights the importance of safety as the foundation of moving forward.
 
Check out these previous episodes about sexand intinmacy:
Episode 53- Rebuilding trust After betrayal: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recoveru-betrayal-trauma-betrayal-recovery-porn-addiction/id1674653111?i=1000648185653
 
Episode 54: Sex Through Recovery - Year 1: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recoveru-betrayal-trauma-betrayal-recovery-porn-addiction/id1674653111?i=1000649141817
 
Episode 55: Establishing True Intimacy: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recoveru-betrayal-trauma-betrayal-recovery-porn-addiction/id1674653111?i=1000649843594
 
If  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources

Today's episode is about modesty - should we focus on it? Should we even have "modesty standards?" 
 
We discuss how focusing on this is focusing on the wrong thing and actually keeps people stuck. When we focus on a micro point instead of a macro value and then try to project it onto others as their responsibility to follow it in order for me to be healthy, we are missing the mark.
 
Alternatively - what does healing and freedom really look like? What if we raise a new generation of children who are taught how to value themselves and others? This shift can prevent and resolve many issues just by learning how to love ourselves and love others.
 
Previous episodes that are similar:
Episode 127: noticing vs Arousal: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recoveru-betrayal-trauma-betrayal-recovery-porn-addiction/id1674653111?i=1000720874791
 
Episode 128: Is attraction the same as lusting?: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recoveru-betrayal-trauma-betrayal-recovery-porn-addiction/id1674653111?i=1000721175129
 
Episode 138:  Where Modesty Culture Goes Wrong: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recoveru-betrayal-trauma-betrayal-recovery-porn-addiction/id1674653111?i=1000731965520
 
***
 
If  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources 

In today's episode, Kylene and Patrick discuss the strategy of crowding out the "bad" with the good. Whenever you want to change habits or patterns they recommend using 3 steps:
 
1) Identify the change that needs to be made (what are you temping, adding in or changing?)
 
2) Take some time to identify what that current thing or pattern offers you (Is it stability? Comfort? Distraction?)
 
3) Replace the old habit with a new habit that offers the same thing or better.
 
Whether it's hanging our diet, recovering from addiction or healing from trauma, the patterning is the same. One of the things we often miss when changing our habits is step 2- identifying what the habit offers us. This is key to understanding why we keep going back to it.
 
Episode 67 where talk about the Faster Scale: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recoveru-betrayal-trauma-betrayal-recovery-porn-addiction/id1674653111?i=1000658758308
 
Episode 69 where we discuss the 3 circles tool: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recoveru-betrayal-trauma-betrayal-recovery-porn-addiction/id1674653111?i=1000660296518
 
If  would like to connect with Kylene for 1:1 coaching support, please click this link and book a free connection call: https://p.bttr.to/3ttk0Ql
 
Learn more at www.RecoverUcoaching.com
 
Check out the What's NEXT course for newly betrayed partners: 
https://recoverucoaching.com/whats-next-course  
 
Submit Questions and Feedback to the RecoverU podcast here: https://forms.gle/uww5sWK1WP8T8dbc8 
 
Join the free RecoverU Facebook page for betrayed partners: www.facebook.com/groups/recoveru2 
 
Resources for Healing: https://recoverucoaching.com/resources